Teh G4m3|2

Who says video games get you nowhere? I'm ten bucks richer at Best Buy's expense because I just won third place in a tournament last night. I know what you're thinking, "Gosh Chris, do you need any more resume fodder? You're so talented as it is!" Yes, yes. I shall astound my future employers with this little tidbit on my applicatoin. I'm going places, for sure. Best Buy, for example.

In other news, I've discovered the joys of Pandora.com. Pandora is to music what the Human Genome Project is to human genetics. By mapping out songs, genres, styles, and individual aspects of instrumentation and structure, Pandora takes one reccomendation from the user (either an artist or an individual song) and intuitively searches for different artists and songs who closely match every statistic of the user-given information. The end result is astounding. I'm talking about a free internet radio station that fine-tunes itself to your musical tastes. It's the perfect friend for the all-nighters that await me, studying for finals in just a couple weeks.

School is almost out. On May 23rd, I'll have my bags packed, my last final complete that afternoon, and my eyes set to what summer has in store for me. If all goes to plan, I'll be working at as tech-head at Thousand Pines summer camp in the San Bernadino mountain range here in SoCal. The pay, though slightly less than I'm accustomed to, is offset by the suppliment of free room and board. More money in my pocket and not to a renter is just dandy in my book.

Too many things are happening too quicky right now. My Palm is putting in some overtime as I'm scheduling all sorts of things, squeezing them into the next few weeks. LATE's fifth episode of Season Four is scheduled for taping this Thursday. We've got the site up to date, so if you haven't seen any of Season Four yet, I reccomend it! Gosh, when is the wrap party going to happen? Hmmm, well that's something you don't have to worry about. Especially since this isn't the worst of my worries. Right now, priority one is food. I'm starving. It's almost four in the afternoon and I haven't had anything to eat all day! Gaaaaa! Lunch time.

Grindhouse

I'm pulling a late night working on getting the latest, and the two belated episodes of LATE online. Hehe, it never gets old. Amid the video rendering, uploading, and exporting, I'm going to write about the Rodriguez/Tarantino flick, Grindhouse I saw last night.

Many people reacted with a face of horror and disgust when I told them that I planned on seeing Grindhouse. They were perplexed and confused upon hearing that I looked forward to seeing it the second I saw the previews. To most, it looked like a trashy B-roll movie whose sole purpose for existence was to fill up time with raunchy scenes of sex and violence. To those tomato-throwers out there, hear me say to you that you're absolutely right. The movies were very violent and over the top. Though not excessive, there was very brief nudity.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Grindhouse, and I am assuming most of you are, it is a double-feature of the movies Planet Terror and Death Proof, written and DP'ed by Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino (respectively). Planet Terror takes on the plot of a cheesy 1970's horror film, with overly-done special effects, purposefully grainy sequences, and corny scenes. Rodriguez's film purposefully perpetuated itself into the dumpster, intentionally reminding us of how horrible movies used to be.

Death Proof by Tarantino quelled most of the audiences hopes of being able to sit through two movies within the first twenty minutes of its running. A slow start was to blame. It opened with almost twenty minutes of dialogue and probably a total of six cuts. One shot was eight minutes - dialogue the entire time. Tarantino fans have always talked about how he is always complete control of every shot in his movies, and through this painful sequence of opening scenes, he makes his point. After the light-core audience members have left the theater with weak bladders, sore butts, and tired eyes, the fun begins. The movie has almost no plot at all, except for the documenting of the rise and fall of a maniacal stunt driver who uses his "death-proof" stunt car to slay four innocent women in the first half. The second half follows a different group of girls who cross paths with the man, he tries to pull the same thing on them, but they come out winning in the end. You'll have to see it yourself, since the movie is far too entertaining to do it full justice in writing.

Too quickly have people written off Grindhouse as a terrible choice for a night at the theater. I was told that I would be making a bad choice by seeing this movie, that in no way could it be beneficial to me. Grindhouse is a waste of time. The real deal is that both movies are purposefully horrible, and that is what makes them great. Few people will understand how great Grindhouse really is, and frankly I don't expect them to.

Many thought M. Night Shyamalan's Lady in the Water was a waste of time for parallel reasons. Those who disliked it lacked understanding of what the movie was truly about. It was not about a convincing plot or good acting. It was about telling the story. Rodriguez and Tarantino proved themselves as great filmmakers through Grindhouse by turning trash into treasure. Both movies were driven by ingeniously flawed characters who live in a cliche world, albeit they are being tracked down by zombies and a crazy stunt car driver.

Picking up where I left off

Thunderous riots of insubordination
Cast a shadow on idealistic thoughts of revelation
And marks the troops had left are scattered all about the nation
But the bombs will always drop. Diplomacy can't stop this altercation

Jumping up and down the kids are starting a sensation
They said we won the time has come a night of jubilation
Kill the lights 'cause now our nights are meant for rest and relaxation
Soon yes very soon the final train will leave the station.

Some my readers may recognize the first four lines. I wrote them a while ago. Bored on the plane, I penned the next four during my flight home this last Sunday. I'm curious as to if I will be able to keep every ending rhyming with "-ation". Maybe I'll just write a chorus with its own unique structure and call it a song.

Undeniable Truth

Yesterday, my suitemate Dave walked into my room and before he turned around and left he proudly proclaimed...

"If God did not intend for ducks to be chased, then he would not have made them waddle."

Driving in Florida

We all have lost our patience with another person's driving at one point in time. Often, as the stereotype goes, Californians are mocked at their reckless driving habits. Since my stay in Florida, I have a new outlook on how roads operate from state to state. In California we may drive fast, but we drive smart. Over the past five days, I have been witness to some of the most discourteous, dumbest and most idiotic feats of driving in my life.

At first I assumed that it was just because Florida is a trap for tourists - especially over Spring Break. I started paying attention to license plates and bumper stickers and found that not one of these offenders of mine were out of state, nor renting a car. They were not specifically women, nor all of them elderly. Race, sex, and age made no difference. Maybe warm, humid weather makes people dumb.

Floridians are by far the worst at merging. They are timid procrastinators who wait until the last second to change lanes. As soon as their lane is out, usually the person to their left starts slowing down to let them merge in front. Without taking the hint, the merger slows down also in an attempt to merge behind the car to their left. I'm telling you, if neither car committed to going first after ten seconds of breaking in bewiderment, there would be a standstill at every Florida onramp in the entire state.

Yesterday evening I fell victim to driver who reserved such pointless snobbery, it made me wish I was packing heat. Driving in the left lane of a four-lane highway (two going each way), our car's speed was being matched by an SUV on the right and tailing by a few feet. Our turn was coming up in about a mile, so we attempted a lane change in anticipation of the impending turn. My mom turned on her turn signal and tried to put some space in between us and our neighbor in the other lane. As soon as our blinker flashed, the lady in the SUV floored it and kept us from getting over. Frustrated, we broke lightly so we could merge behind her. Five seconds after we change lanes behind the discourteous SUV driver, she made a right turn off the highway. Honestly, what amount of time would she have lost if she let us merge in front?

These two stories are my favorite out of all the other horrendous traffic maneuvers I saw. Others included a Winnebago making a U-turn in the middle of a road with no intersection. A foresight-lacking car stopping traffic in the left lane so it could make a right turn into the driveway of a Starbucks. The near-death experience of two motorcyclists in an airport parking lot. I have seen more cars with their headlights turned off at night than I've seen in my entire life elsewhere.

I am almost certain that I'm going to be in a wreck before I leave Florida. I fear for my life. Really, I'm surprised that this state hasn't exploded in a failed attempt at withholding its residents' bad driving skills.

That's More Like It!

I've been in Tampa, FL for four days now and today is the first day I've seen the sun. Since we arrived it has been either overcast or raining without showing any times of stopping. As I went to bed last night, the rain was still coming down very hard and the rolling thunder still murmuring from a distance.

I love the rain. Too often does it symbolize times of sadness and remorse. I have never seen the rain in a negative light however. I always behold it with a sense of refreshment, renewal, and rejuvination. Tampa had been long suffering from a drought before my arrival with my mom and Joelle. For three or four months prior they had not seen a drop of rain. I could tell the place was drier than usual - I could sense it the second I stepped outside of the airport. It seemed like I had never left California. The air was dry - warm, but dry.

Then the rain came.

It rained and rained. Lightning made its rare appearance (it's too early in the year for a decent electrical storm, even for Florida, so I settled) and I did my best to soak it all in. Pun intended.

I must have stood outside in the rain for over half an hour at ten o'clock in the evening. The warm water struck my head and took away all the stress I had bottled up this past semester at work and at school. I must say, a great feeling occurs whenever one gets soaked while fully clothed. Have you ever stood outside in the rain for no reason? Have you ever jumped into a pool with your shoes on? I suggest you do.

Another great part about being in the rain and then coming back into the house drenched is the look on everyone's faces at your appearance. A smile is all they got from me. I've missed the rain. That was fun. No, I didn't catch Pneumonia either.

3am EST

I am immune to jet lag if anyone ever asks, but I'm still going to blame this on the time-difference regardless. It's an easy excuse. Here I am, Tampa Bay, Florida. It's warm, humid, and very early morning. No more staying up until Modesto's midnight for the next week - I must adapt. I deprive myself of sleep often enough, but I felt you all would enjoy a quick update.

The flight was nice. Southwest's flight attendants never cease to amaze me. They seem to keep a standard bedside manner comparable to Disneyland's Jungle Cruise tour guides, so it helps the hours pass by. We landed in Tampa half an hour early thanks to an 80mph tailwind the entire trip. Our luggage was the first out of the conveyor which made for a quick and easy exit. Yesterday afternoon and night were spent greeting everyone here. Today, we saw my great grandmother, who, being the sole reason we came out to begin with, (it's her 90th birthday on Thursday) began crying in shock at the sight of my mom walking through her door while talking to her on the cell phone, acting like they were still on opposite coasts. It was quite a sight.

There is much more to cover from these past two days, but time is against me for now. I need some rest so I can go for a quick jog tomorrow and then get lost in the city. I made it a point of mine to take one day for myself, hop on a bus, and go. I'll be journaling the whole time, so you'll get to read tomorrow's outcome within the next few days.

My eyes are getting heavy, and listening to Broken Social Scene isn't helping in the slightest. Sleepy time.

The Great Conflict

What has caused America to think solely about food and physical attractiveness at the same time? How can one pig out at a fast food restaurant and at the same time stay Hollywood-slim? Who came up with such an absurd idea? Where did this come from?

Really, it's the byproduct of a shift in the way our society views the idealistic lifestyle. Up until about two hundred years ago, obesity was the sign of wealth. If you were fat, it meant you had the ability to gorge yourself in whatever food you pleased and could afford it. If you were skinny, you were poor and lacked a large income. The only people who were capable of stuffing themselves were those who were extremely wealthy, so very few people were overweight, while the majority of the population stayed thin.

Now, it's so cheap and easy to get food that will throw the scale out of whack. You don't need to have mounds of dough to be the burger king (pun intended). The point of being king back then was to be able to do whatever you wanted, and becoming fat was a byproduct of that. Now, the goal is to enjoy yourself. Pleasure is the driving force behind most social and economic movements now. We like to eat, but we also like looking at people who are fit. The conflict between this pair of pleasures (visual and tasteful) has caused much frustration and confusion to many people over the years. Can you say fad-diets?

Now, we all enjoy the mental and physical stresses that arrive in tandem with this idealistic lifestyle of being able to enjoy a great body and great food at the same time. Must we sacrifice one for the other? There is a lot of great food out there, but there's an amount of discipline necessary in order for one to enjoy it while maintaining a decent figure. Ah, discipline, it sucks - but it's also necessary if you want to live. I don't mean living only in a breathing sense, but also in a joyful sense. You can't live if you indulge in everything. You'll wind up bitter and lethargic. Sometimes sacrifices must be made, but they're always for the better. It's a lesson I personally never seem to learn. But I try, so I guess that counts.

It was fun while it lasted

Well folks, I've decided that you're too smart for me this year. I pulled off such an amazing prank of a blog last year, that thinking up another amazing story to post on April Fools Day would be a waste of my time. So I didn't think up an amazing story to post on April Fools Day. I thought up an amazing story - and posted it a couple weeks ago. Sorry to everyone who got excited for me, but I actually wasn't nominated for Best Sound Design for Winston and Dinner with Death for the Biola Film Festival. I bet you believed it though, because I'm sure you all casually blind yourselves into believing that I might actually BE somebody someday! Yeah, haha just kidding. Is your heart racing? I hope so. Don't worry though. All's well - I'm still nominated, and I'm still winning Best Sound Design in the Biola Film Festival no matter what because the only two nominees were movies I worked on. And I'm still going to be Jerry Bruckheimer's personal assistant.

Happy April Fools Day