Driving in Florida

We all have lost our patience with another person's driving at one point in time. Often, as the stereotype goes, Californians are mocked at their reckless driving habits. Since my stay in Florida, I have a new outlook on how roads operate from state to state. In California we may drive fast, but we drive smart. Over the past five days, I have been witness to some of the most discourteous, dumbest and most idiotic feats of driving in my life.

At first I assumed that it was just because Florida is a trap for tourists - especially over Spring Break. I started paying attention to license plates and bumper stickers and found that not one of these offenders of mine were out of state, nor renting a car. They were not specifically women, nor all of them elderly. Race, sex, and age made no difference. Maybe warm, humid weather makes people dumb.

Floridians are by far the worst at merging. They are timid procrastinators who wait until the last second to change lanes. As soon as their lane is out, usually the person to their left starts slowing down to let them merge in front. Without taking the hint, the merger slows down also in an attempt to merge behind the car to their left. I'm telling you, if neither car committed to going first after ten seconds of breaking in bewiderment, there would be a standstill at every Florida onramp in the entire state.

Yesterday evening I fell victim to driver who reserved such pointless snobbery, it made me wish I was packing heat. Driving in the left lane of a four-lane highway (two going each way), our car's speed was being matched by an SUV on the right and tailing by a few feet. Our turn was coming up in about a mile, so we attempted a lane change in anticipation of the impending turn. My mom turned on her turn signal and tried to put some space in between us and our neighbor in the other lane. As soon as our blinker flashed, the lady in the SUV floored it and kept us from getting over. Frustrated, we broke lightly so we could merge behind her. Five seconds after we change lanes behind the discourteous SUV driver, she made a right turn off the highway. Honestly, what amount of time would she have lost if she let us merge in front?

These two stories are my favorite out of all the other horrendous traffic maneuvers I saw. Others included a Winnebago making a U-turn in the middle of a road with no intersection. A foresight-lacking car stopping traffic in the left lane so it could make a right turn into the driveway of a Starbucks. The near-death experience of two motorcyclists in an airport parking lot. I have seen more cars with their headlights turned off at night than I've seen in my entire life elsewhere.

I am almost certain that I'm going to be in a wreck before I leave Florida. I fear for my life. Really, I'm surprised that this state hasn't exploded in a failed attempt at withholding its residents' bad driving skills.